Monday, March 5, 2018

All About A Rabbi Funeral

By Patrick Richardson


Death is a stark reality. When one loses a loved one, friend or colleague, it is hard to believe that they are really gone until the last respects have been paid. The Jewish rites are a bit different from others but the procedure of a rabbi funeral must be followed. The first thing is to dress appropriately. Ladies are encouraged to wear dresses while men should wear a coat and white shirt. This is a sign of respect for the deceased and consideration for the bereaved family.

The grave side session is usually considered private but it is not restricted. If one decides to attend, they have to wear comfortable shoes because there is a lot of standing. A burial ceremony is no place for small talk. If one is asked a question or has to speak to someone, the voice has to be kept low.

How distasteful is it to be late to a burial? It is disrespectful to both the family and the deceased. Why even show up at all if it will only breach the attention of other mourners. It is good manners to find out the exact times and venue the previous day. This will ensure one arrives early and on time for the ceremony without being rudely tardy.

The ceremony is not a get together. It is not a place where one can meet the boys and hang out. It is a somber occasion. While it may go unnoticed, one should endeavor to keep a straight face. There is something about seeing a person happily chatting away and being overly exuberant that just irks the mourning family. One should not speak unless spoken to or asked to speak. On that note, any speeches given should be kept PG. That is not the time to narrate that dirty story involving the deceased.

Jewish ceremonies usually have directors who inform guests of the sitting arrangement among other issues. One should try as hard as possible to keep an ear open for such instructions. It will save one the embarrassment and make the day go without a mishap.

These burials are usually short notice. The law is against embalming and therefore must be done quickly. While it is important that one attend the burial, there is an alternative. The Shiva is a seven day period during which the bereaved family stays home and receives visitors. Find out what assistance is needed be it food or babysitting the little ones.

The Jewish faith is not for flowers in the event of death. It is seen as making a dark reality beautiful. Instead, most families will provide the name of a charity through which people can send their donations in honor of the deceased. Most charities will send a card to the family letting them know that a donation was made in their name. This token is called tzedakah.

The ceremony must be treated with utmost respect. Whether one is of the same faith or not, they must be respectful. One must not point out seemingly weird rituals or traditions. Just be there to mourn and comfort the family.




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