When it comes to the dissolution of marriage, the subject is most often discussed from the standpoint of how it affects the women involved. In fact, there has been very little discussion of the effects marital breakdown can have on the husbands. There are, of course, a number of very good reasons that help to explain why there has, until recently, been almost no public examination of the male perspective on divorce.
For one thing, men rarely discuss their emotional state in the wake of a separation. The need to internalize sadness is something that has been learned and impressed upon them by societal standards. Men don't cry. Men don't whine. We've all heard those cliches. The sad thing is that this lack of emotional expression has contributed to a general belief that divorces are fairly easy for the husbands, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
The simple fact is that divorces leave men with feelings of failure, which is one of the hardest emotional issues for any man to confront. This is worsened by the general tendency of society to define men by their accomplishments. Because of that outlook, men lose self-respect when they fail at almost anything, and the biggest failure most people can ever experience is the failure of the marriage union.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
Fathers can have an even worse struggle. Often times, court proceedings end with the children's primary care being handed over to the mother. This can reduce many fathers' involvement with their children, causing those relationships to deteriorate. As their paternal emotional needs are left unfulfilled, these men can become angry and grief-stricken.
That grief creates an entirely new set of problems, since many men are ill-equipped to properly manage such deep sadness. Women spend lifetimes developing social bonds that are often based upon the sharing of intimate thoughts and feelings. Men are often taught that such interactions with other men are a sign of weakness. Without a proper way to vent those feelings, divorced men hold their emotions in, and can end up drinking heavily or engaging in other harmful activities.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
The sad fact is that men are affected by divorces to a far greater extent than was previously believed. For most divorced men, the effort to regain self-respect and restore happiness and stability will never be successful until society finally understands that it is not just wives who suffer negative consequences when marriages fail.
For one thing, men rarely discuss their emotional state in the wake of a separation. The need to internalize sadness is something that has been learned and impressed upon them by societal standards. Men don't cry. Men don't whine. We've all heard those cliches. The sad thing is that this lack of emotional expression has contributed to a general belief that divorces are fairly easy for the husbands, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
The simple fact is that divorces leave men with feelings of failure, which is one of the hardest emotional issues for any man to confront. This is worsened by the general tendency of society to define men by their accomplishments. Because of that outlook, men lose self-respect when they fail at almost anything, and the biggest failure most people can ever experience is the failure of the marriage union.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
Fathers can have an even worse struggle. Often times, court proceedings end with the children's primary care being handed over to the mother. This can reduce many fathers' involvement with their children, causing those relationships to deteriorate. As their paternal emotional needs are left unfulfilled, these men can become angry and grief-stricken.
That grief creates an entirely new set of problems, since many men are ill-equipped to properly manage such deep sadness. Women spend lifetimes developing social bonds that are often based upon the sharing of intimate thoughts and feelings. Men are often taught that such interactions with other men are a sign of weakness. Without a proper way to vent those feelings, divorced men hold their emotions in, and can end up drinking heavily or engaging in other harmful activities.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
The sad fact is that men are affected by divorces to a far greater extent than was previously believed. For most divorced men, the effort to regain self-respect and restore happiness and stability will never be successful until society finally understands that it is not just wives who suffer negative consequences when marriages fail.
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