How you communicate in the online dating world is crucial - the way that you make first contact or reply to someone else approaching you can make or break your chance. That's quite a bit of pressure, so I wanted to send out some general commonsense advice.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Be prepared to make the first move. A lot of women don't feel comfortable making the first move, even though they have signed up for online dating. However, don't be scared off if a girl contacts you. Accept her however she is, and let her approach or response teach you about her, and how she may want you to respond to her.
2. Ensure you've read her profile all the way through first! A number of times, I've been contacted by guys who've clearly just looked at my photo, and haven't read a thing I've written. This is insulting and immediately writes them off. It's made clear by the questions they ask - usually completely irrelevant things. To make it clear you're not one of those guys, try to refer to one thing in her profile in your message.
3. Even if she sounds utterly perfect for you, if you are specifically not what she lists, think twice about messaging her. You need to consider why she wants to respond, not just why you'd be interested in her.
4. Finish with a question. Remember, you are opening a dialogue, so you need to give her something she can actually reply to. This is something you need to do all the way through your email conversations. Always give her something to reply to, or she might not reply.
5. Be socially acceptable. You are entering into her personal space when you message her, and the same social rules apply as they would anywhere else. Don't try to attract attention by being offensive or confrontational. You haven't earned the right to ask really personal questions, and even though you have read her profile, you still don't actually know anything about her. So please be a gentleman. (I'm sure you would be regardless.)
If you are not sure about your messages try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. It would be great if everyone responded, but it doesn't happen. I have to admit that I started off responding to everyone because I thought it was only polite. However, I then got a number of people trying to argue back why I should go out with them or being rude because I said I wasn't interested. So now I just don't respond. Don't let it eat your confidence - there are a lot of women out there who aren't right for you. The whole reason we're doing this is to find a gem who is.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Be prepared to make the first move. A lot of women don't feel comfortable making the first move, even though they have signed up for online dating. However, don't be scared off if a girl contacts you. Accept her however she is, and let her approach or response teach you about her, and how she may want you to respond to her.
2. Ensure you've read her profile all the way through first! A number of times, I've been contacted by guys who've clearly just looked at my photo, and haven't read a thing I've written. This is insulting and immediately writes them off. It's made clear by the questions they ask - usually completely irrelevant things. To make it clear you're not one of those guys, try to refer to one thing in her profile in your message.
3. Even if she sounds utterly perfect for you, if you are specifically not what she lists, think twice about messaging her. You need to consider why she wants to respond, not just why you'd be interested in her.
4. Finish with a question. Remember, you are opening a dialogue, so you need to give her something she can actually reply to. This is something you need to do all the way through your email conversations. Always give her something to reply to, or she might not reply.
5. Be socially acceptable. You are entering into her personal space when you message her, and the same social rules apply as they would anywhere else. Don't try to attract attention by being offensive or confrontational. You haven't earned the right to ask really personal questions, and even though you have read her profile, you still don't actually know anything about her. So please be a gentleman. (I'm sure you would be regardless.)
If you are not sure about your messages try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. It would be great if everyone responded, but it doesn't happen. I have to admit that I started off responding to everyone because I thought it was only polite. However, I then got a number of people trying to argue back why I should go out with them or being rude because I said I wasn't interested. So now I just don't respond. Don't let it eat your confidence - there are a lot of women out there who aren't right for you. The whole reason we're doing this is to find a gem who is.
About the Author:
For more great advice on how to present yourself online, see "The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles" on Amazon: Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating on Amazon
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